Couples Therapy in Copenhagen
As an expat for 30 years, I know that life abroad might not be as easy and happy as it seems. Half of my clients are international and intercultural couples. Within half an hour I can unfold, what your conflict is really about at the deeper level. You deserve to know, so you can make better choices and so does your partner.
Far too many couples end up separating and regret not having done more to save their relationship. I am determined to change that. I am not against divorce, but both you and your partner deserve to understand what your conflicts are really about and each of you, to take responsability for your own blind spot.
I want to help couples rediscover the love and connection they once had. Through my expertise and guidance, we can work together to strengthen your bond and overcome the challenges that may be pulling you apart.
My name is iakob Schjerbeck, a non-judgmental and experienced male couples therapist located between the serene lakes of Frederiksberg and Østerbro in Copenhagen. My approach is both emotion-focused and process-oriented, paying close attention not only to spoken words but also to unspoken bodily sensations, movements, gazes, desires, and dreams.
Don’t let regrets define your future. Take action now and invest in the well-being of your relationship. Let’s embark on a journey to rebuild, nurture, and create a solid foundation for a fulfilling partnership.
The earlier you start, the less therapy you’ll need. And the purpose of therapy is, that you shouldn’t need it.
Together, we can make a difference. Contact me today and let’s start rebuilding your relationship.
“The unhappiness lies not in the fact that the lovers could not have each other, but in their inability to understand each other.”
– Søren Kierkegaard
What is couples therapy?
Couples therapy is a form of psychotherapy aimed at helping partners in a relationship navigate through their challenges and improve their bond.
In this therapeutic process, you and your partner are provided a safe space to uncover and work through underlying issues that may be causing distress, such as jealousy, misunderstandings, or emotional disconnection. A couples therapist, with their experienced guidance, assists in identifying and modifying unhealthy patterns that hinder the relationship’s growth.
Throughout the sessions, the therapist collaborates with both partners to pinpoint specific challenges they face. Sessions may be with both together and individually. However, it is recommended that you both show up at the first session together. Employing a range of techniques, the therapy focuses on enhancing communication, fostering confidence, intimacy, and resolving conflicts effectively. This often includes practical exercises, both within and outside therapy sessions, designed to strengthen these skills.
Moreover, couples therapy is not just about navigating through difficulties. It’s also about rediscovering and rebuilding the trust and closeness that may have weakened due to significant challenges like infidelity or discussions of divorce.
The goal is to strengthen couples for a healthier, more resilient relationship, paving the way for lasting emotional connection and mutual growth.
How effective is couples therapy?
Couples therapy has shown considerable effectiveness in enhancing relationships and resolving conflicts. Research underscores its positive impact, particularly in areas like improved communication, heightened presence, and deeper emotional connections between partners. These improvements often translate into greater overall relationship satisfaction.
However, the success of couples therapy isn’t a one-size-fits-all scenario. Its effectiveness can vary based on several factors. Key among these is the willingness and commitment of both partners to actively engage in the therapy process. The severity and nature of the issues at hand also play a significant role. For instance, therapy is particularly beneficial for couples grappling with challenges such as loss of respect, mistrust, jealousy, infidelity, or considerations of divorce.
Good therapy is magical. It is also hard work, mostly on yourself with tools that, when used correctly and with dedication, will lead to significant positive changes both individually and as a couple, collegue and human being. The work done in therapy sessions is important, but more important is what goes on between the sessions. All efforts are put into applying learned skills in real-life situations. Continuing to practice effective communication, problem-solving, and emotional connection outside of therapy sessions is vital for long-term improvement.
About me
We promote insight and create personal development.
I am Iakob Schjerbeck, an experienced and certified psychotherapist specializing in couples therapy. Based in Copenhagen, I offer a safe and confidential space where both men and women can explore their feelings and strengthen their relationships. I have a particular understanding of the challenges men often face regarding vulnerability and emotional expression, and I work to break down the taboos that can hinder personal growth and insight.
Sensation
100%
Empathy
100%
Insight
100%
Clarity
100%
Development
100%
Themes addressed in couples therapy
From communication problems to financial stress
Couples therapy addresses a variety of common themes that couples struggle with. An experienced couples therapist can help address these issues:
Communication problems
Many couples experience difficulties in expressing their needs and emotions. In couples therapy, couples learn to communicate in a way that promotes understanding and empathy, which is crucial for overcoming jealousy and misunderstandings. Body language and its absence are also communication.
Trust issues
Trust is the foundation of any romantic relationship. Couples therapy helps rebuild trust, especially after events like infidelity or feelings of disloyalty, and process the difficult emotions that arise.
Intimacy issues
Challenges with physical and emotional intimacy are common. Couples therapy can assist couples in rebuilding closeness and understanding each other’s needs, which is particularly important for couples considering divorce or feeling dissatisfied in their sex life.
Life transitions
Major life changes such as parenthood or career shifts can create stress in a relationship. A couples therapist can help couples navigate these transitions and strengthen their relationship in the process.
Chronic conflict
Persistent conflicts and tensions can be harmful to a relationship. Couples therapy offers tools to break negative patterns and build a more harmonious relationship.
Financial stress
Financial concerns are a common source of conflict. Couples therapy can help couples manage these challenges and find constructive ways to handle money issues.
Through couples therapy, couples can identify and work on the underlying problems contributing to their conflicts and develop effective methods to improve their relationship.
How can couples counselor help?
Couples therapy offers several benefits:
Safe communication
Therapy creates a neutral space where couples can learn to communicate their feelings and needs more effectively.
Identification of patterns
A therapist can help identify and change negative behavior patterns that harm the relationship.
Rebuilding trust and intimacy
Couples therapy is crucial for rebuilding trust, especially after challenges such as infidelity, and strengthening emotional and physical intimacy.
Emotion-focused (couples) therapy (EFT)
Emotion-focused therapy, also known as EFT, is a therapeutic approach that focuses on helping both couples and individuals understand and learn from their emotions. In this section, I will discuss how EFT can be used to identify and facilitate the creation of a deeper connection within a couple.
EFT was developed by Sue Johnson, Robert Eliott, Les Greenberg and Ronda Goldman in from 1980s to the 2000s and has become a widely used approach for addressing relationship issues.
EFT is based on the idea that emotions are central to our experiences, and our emotions are natural responses to what we encounter throughout life. In EFT, emotions are viewed as adaptive reactions that provide important information about our needs, desires, and experiences. The goal of EFT is to help couples feel and understand and manage their emotions in a more effective way so they can build deeper and more satisfying relationships with each other and themselves.
Emotion-focused therapy is typically given over a series of sessions and involves several steps. First, the therapist assists the couple in identifying and understanding their emotions and how those emotions impact their relationship. Then, the therapist works to identify behavioral and communication patterns that contribute to relationship problems. Next, the therapist helps the couple learn new emotional and communication skills. Finally, the therapist assists the couple in integrating these new skills into their daily lives with the aim of creating lasting positive change.
EFT has proven to be effective in treating a range of relationship issues, including communication difficulties, infidelity, trust issues, and sexual problems.
Divorce or couples therapy?
When couples face the dilemma of divorce or couples therapy, it’s important to consider both the positive and negative aspects of both options.
For some couples, the idea of divorce may seem like an opportunity for a fresh start, especially if they feel that their relationship is beyond repair, and they are unwilling to work on themselves and their relationship. In situations where the relationship is in crisis, filled with constant stress, anxiety, and tension, the decision to part ways may feel like a relief from the burdens of everyday life.
On the other hand, divorce carries both financial and emotional costs and can have far-reaching consequences for those affected by the decision, such as children and other family members.
In contrast to divorce, couples therapy and marriage counseling can be a path forward for couples who still have the willingness to work on their relationship. Therapy is not limited by the size of the problem, as long as each partner has the courage to look into him- or herself. That takes quite a bit of courage. As we all tend to find mistakes in the other person, or to be too hard on ourself.
Therapy and marriage counseling helps improve communication, enhance mutual understanding, and address the underlying issues in the relationship. The therapist offers specific tools and techniques tailored to the unique challenges of the couple, which strengthens relationship.
On the other hand, couples therapy requires both time and commitment, and the duration of therapy depends on the nature of the problem and the willingness and ability of the partners to work on themselves. If you don’t find progress within the first few sessions, then change therapist, as therapy does works.
Therapy also works, if you choose to split and divorce, as you will become at better version of your self with a new dimension of insight.
How do we prepare for couples therapy?
Couples therapy with me requires no preparation, apart from showing up.
As I work with an emotion-focused approach it is what is going on here and now both on the outside and inside og you.
If one of you are lying, it will also come out, and I’ll be curious what that mecanisme is about and why you partner fell for a partner like you. I’ll never condemn. Only you are expert on you life and needs.
Perhaps you already know what you seek therapeutic help for, but it may not be entirely the same as what your partner wishes to address. With me, both of you will have space and time. I listen without judgment and teach you to accommodate each other and, above all, to accommodate yourselves – your flaws, needs, and longings.
Couples therapy takes courage to be vulnerable, as well as curiosity about your partner’s experiences. I ensure you a safe and confidential space, where I might intervene and slow you down to be sure that also I can understand each of you and what goes on in a deeper level.
We will go through a small painfull scenes in slow motion to observe reactions and emotions. This helps you to see yourself and each other from different angles. We’ll learn to observe what is happening inside you and inside your partner andoccasionally even inside of me as therapist.
Dreams and daydreams may also be important tools in therapy. They provide insights into the unconscious. If you dream and you can remember or jot down curious elements from a dream, it may be helpful. Dreams are a message from you to yourself. Even a small daydream can be explored and turn out to be an important message from your unconscious. And only you know what your dream truly means, but you’ll need another person as witness to be able to unfold the true message from your unconsious to you.
Couples therapy works best when we can meet weekly for a month or two. Most likely, you and your partner both have some inappropirate reactions or habits that might be understood and adjusted. For that purpose, I offer a brief program at a reduced price.
Even though the goal of couples therapy is that you no longer need it, it can be beneficial to have follow-up sessions, somewhat like regular dental check-ups.
Couples therapy prices
Prices
Programs
Effective couples therapy typically consists of 6-12 sessions within a 2-3 month period.
The therapy is most effective with 90-minute sessions, either weekly or biweekly, and can also be conducted online. If you or your partner are unable to attend certain sessions, it is recommended to continue with confidential individual therapy to maintain momentum and ensure desired results.
Payment for the entire program is required upfront, and any remaining balance will be refunded if the program is discontinued.
It is a two or three month subscription for 9.000/12.500 kr prepaid with one weekly therapy for couples and/or individuals.
Some session may be online, some may be as a couple and some individual.
Please pay cash or mobilPay at our next meeting, if you choose this formular.
About me
I am a father and grandfather, with 25 years of marriage, ups and downs, and inevitable losses in my baggage. My personal experiences, my breakdowns and breakthroughs have taught me to let go when necessary and, most importantly, to pick myself up again.
Our destiny is our own responsibility. By daring to delve into the most painful aspects, to stay and dwell in the darkness, vulnerabilities transform into strength. It takes courage to ask for help.
Powerlessness, jealousy, and deep conflicts intrigue me. Human relationships, challenges, and emotions fascinate me. At the age of 16, I attended a boarding school with 60 different nationalities and cultures. It made me curious, humble, and open-minded. I am passionate about sensing and understanding my clients’ challenges and experiences and perhaps being able to share tools and unfold knowledge in collaboration with my clients.
Education: I learned process-oriented couples therapy from Jytte Vikkelsøe during her one-and-a-half-year postgraduate training program (master teacher), which concluded in November 2021.
My therapeutic background is Emotionally Focused Therapy, which I am studying in the 4-year program at the EFT Institute in Copenhagen.
I also have personal experience with family and couples therapy, mediation, individual therapy, and courses with Vipassana, Pernille Melsted, Susan Hart, ISFO, as well as involvement in support programs with U-Turn, Opus, and Alfa.
I learned Vipassana Meditation from Dhamma.org, which I maintain with ten-day courses every other year since 2018.
The path to the life you long for always goes through the most entrenched conflict. Each conflict gives you a window of opportunity to delve deeper into both yourself and your relationship.